'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
