I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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