You made me cry and you don't even care
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
