Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
