well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
