and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
