I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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