i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
