im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
