I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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