I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
