My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
