You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
