im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
