I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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