Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
