I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk is not a location!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
