dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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