if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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