her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dicks are not precious.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
