I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
