Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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