her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After tacos, we're chasing women.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize