Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
