I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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