bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
