u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm too high and old for this...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
