My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
