I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize