Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
