so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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