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there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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