It's Friday. Sex?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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