You're so nebulous sometimes
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
