You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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