2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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