uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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