Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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