everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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