Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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