rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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