This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
