dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
