We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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