Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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