Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
