ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
