He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
