Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
