can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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