Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
