i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
