that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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