he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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