his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
50% drunk capacity currently
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
FUCK WHALES
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize