just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
