guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
