btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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