I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
