I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't think brook has ever known best
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
