Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
