Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
