I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
