he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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